Friday, April 17, 2009

Mommy Moments - Sentimental Mommy Moment

mommy moments

For the very emotional moment of my life as a mom, am sharing with you a letter i wrote to my six months old yena the day she fell from our bed. I have posted this to my other blogs but for Mommy Moments theme this friday, am posting it here again. Reading this always brought me to tears. If you want to cry with me, go on reading...

Dearest Yena,

(baby yena, this is what i used to call you that made you always look around and smile. you would always smile just hearing my voice, by this i know that as much as i love you, you love me back no less!)

(i am writing this now preparing for the time you would ask me things, by details id trust my memory on that, i hope you can read it when you're older, and by that time spank me just to get even to your mommy, it's alright baby.. i know i deserve it!)

hi my baby!

as i am writing this, my eyes are shedding tears. even crying a river now will not changed what had happened last night. while i know that my tears are not an excuse for being so carefree less careless mother to you, please accept my deepest apology. what happened last night would be the last, this i assure you.

i cannot believe how it happened so fast. i was so careful all the time, and on that fateful split second i saw you on the floor. i will not forgive myself from hearing your wails so loud that it almost struck my heart and soul. i was so hurt seeing you in pain, i spent the night looking at you, quietly sobbing careful not to wake you up, embracing and smelling you.

your daddy and mamato was so angry at me and to what happened. but little did they know that i was angrier to myself. i am asking for forgiveness from you, to your dad and to your grandma but most of all i beg forgiveness to God for contemplating suicide right after what happened. i know, it will not change things, but i cannot bear to hear you cry and i be better dead than see you in pain..

baby, i love you so much. know that i will never allow anyone to hurt you and i am so idiot cause i was the one who hurt you that much the first time.

please forgive mommy, and please look back or look around again when you hear me call you.. 'baby'

love you 'til my lastest breath,
mommy

13 comments:

Genejosh April 17, 2009 at 12:25 AM  

oh..I'm carried too..I felt what you feel..my baby once feel but hindi naman masyadong mataas kasi korean style bed namin...

Twinkie April 17, 2009 at 2:26 AM  

Our daughter once fell too and I can relate with the guilty feeling. But please don't be too hard on yourself. Nobody wanted what happened. Bless you heart for being so honest with how you feel.

Babette (Lifetime Mom) April 17, 2009 at 6:20 AM  

I remember when my first born fell off the bed. I thought mahihimatay ako sa takot. But I believe in angels and I know they keep my babies safe. :o) Things like this happen anywhere no matter how careful we are. Just chalk it up to experience.

kaka April 17, 2009 at 12:57 PM  

this is a very heartfelt letter. i almost cried at work. as much as we want to shelter our child from hurt and pain, we cant be around all the time 24/7. we can be too careful yet unexpected things still happen. after all, experience is still the best teacher. God bless you and your baby Yena :)

Beth April 17, 2009 at 2:30 PM  

yes, kaka was right.

"as much as we want to shelter our child from hurt and pain, we cant be around all the time 24/7."

If God put us here to take care of our kids, He also put us here to help heal their wounds and bumps, and comfort them whenver accidents happen.

Take care always, Niko and kissed to Yena! :)

Enchie April 17, 2009 at 3:04 PM  

Hi Niko! You're a very brave person and a strong Mother.

Anzu's Mum April 17, 2009 at 3:08 PM  

this is very touching letter, full of emotions. BUt you know, nobody wanted that to happen, and so was you.. im sure they are lots of moms who experienced the same.. lets be more careful nxt time =) **hugs to baby yena

Jes April 17, 2009 at 4:05 PM  

ahhh...thats so sweet mommy! i also made a letters for my kids when i was still pregnant to them..i duno where it was na? eheheh here's mine po - http://ishiethan.blogspot.com/2009/04/mommy-moments-15-sentimental-moments.html

I am Harriet April 17, 2009 at 9:00 PM  

Very sweet!

Chris April 17, 2009 at 9:04 PM  

my tears are shedding as i read your letter... i hear your heart...

thanks for sharing this letter with us again, niko...

and i agree with most of the other comments here.. as much as we want to be perfect for our kids, we cant and you cant blame yourself for accidents since they are part of learning and part of our imperfect life... stay strong... more life lessons ahead :)

shydub April 17, 2009 at 10:03 PM  

Im touched with your letters for yena, im sure she will understand. Like you said that is part of their growing up, my son nahulogyan sa bed many times, yeah they cry but they forget all that.

Jona April 19, 2009 at 11:20 AM  

i agree with all the mommies here. but God is always with them so we just need to pray for them. and to have that peace in our hearts.

thanks for sharing the heartfelt letter mommy Yen.

Dagmar April 20, 2009 at 12:32 PM  

Hi, don't be so hard on yourself, these things happen to almost all of us. We make sure that nothing happens to our babies most of the time and prevent so many little accidents, but sometimes things just happen. Reading your letter shows how much you care and love your daughter.

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